Origins of Tamrellian Races

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This is a message I posted to the DF newsgroup alt.games.daggerfall
It came out quite well, so I decided to add it in this site... hope you'll enjoy it :-)

In the beginning, eight clay statues were presented to the eight gods: each one of them had to give it something peculiar before blowing the breath of life into it.

First came Mara: she saw her statue and said: "I've nothing to give you, save my love" and so the Breton race was born, the most ordinary and unappealing breed ever seen in Tamriel.

Second came Stendarr: he noticed that his statue lacked brains, so, moved to compassion, he said: "Since you lack intelligence, I give you muscles in compensation". He didn't think for a moment that he could enhance the statue's Q.I. at least some points above zero, and so Redguard race was born, the dumbest barbarians ever seen in Tamriel.

Third came Zenithar: he looked at his statue and said: "You'll be richer than anybody else: your hair will be gold and silver" Zen meant their hair would be made of actual precious metals; unfortunately, the Great God who presided over the eight and their powers did not understand it and so the Nord race was born, the one with the most beautiful hair ever seen in Tamriel... but nothing else!

Fourth came Arkay: he looked at his statue, a slender form with a beautiful tail, and said: "You will be privileged among the other races, for you are bound to understand the meaning of the circle of life and death" and so the Khajitt race was born... and maybe the strange gift of Arkay is the reason why they can be usually found chasing their own tails!

Fifth came Dibella: she looked at her statue and she began to lust for it, even if it was inanimate, so she decided to add a huge appendix to it, hoping this could satisfy her at last. She was looking forward to it and for this reason she created it in a hurry and made a gross mistake: the appendix turned out to be on the wrong side: a long, thick tail... and so the Argonian race was born.

Sixth came Kynareth: she looked at her statue and said: "I give you something that will allow you to fly". She was about to add a pair of wings, but in a moment she completely forgot it (Kynareth can be very absent-minded)... and so the Wood Elves race was born: thinking they were able to fly like birds, they started dwelling on trees and sometimes they fell and crushed to the ground.

Seventh came Julianos: he looked at his statue and said: "I'll make you the most intelligent and logical being in the entire universe!" and with a gesture he just made the statue's ears pointed. Unfortunately this was no Star Trek: the High Elves race was born, but they were far from Vulcans, for they claimed to be clever but in fact they were just a bunch of braggarts!

Last came Akatosh: he looked at his statue and complained: "Why! I don't want to make a humanoid! I want to give him the shape of a dragon!" But at these words the Great God intervened: "Thou shalt create no dragons, for the programmers decideth there wilt be no dragons in Daggerfall! Thou shalt stick with what you have and not bother me again!" Akatosh was disappointed, but resolved to give to his creatures all the features of a dragon: pointed ears, gleaming red eyes, thick, dark skin, but most of all the might and the wits of the dragon... and so the Dark Elves race was born, the most beautiful and powerful race ever to tread the soil of Tamriel!

So, if you enjoyed this, why don't you take a look at the Light Bulb Jokes as well? You won't regret it! ;-)